Day 27. Year 2.

I am ready to go on a quest. I am ready to slay some dragons. I am ready to rescue my princess. But damn... today of all days, why did we have to lose Vicki's trusty steed, Layse Black Cat?

Today was the day. A new journey. A new start. It's time to find some answers. Now.

I am humbled by so many of you who have selflessly committed to going on this quest with us. Who have provided us with shields and weapons and shelter and hope. It means everything to us. When I just don't feel strong enough to continue, when the obstacles seem to halt our progress, you are there.

Vicki's neurology appointment. I put so much stock into it to help us begin to find some answers. And although I am not looking forward to this journey, I know it is necessary.

I was relieved to see that the neurologist didn't just dismiss us and think we were crazy. Vicki is tricky. (Hey... that rhymes!) And even the professionals are confused. There was definitely enough there to warrant a deeper look. And that's all I wanted. I knew that we wouldn't come out from Vicki's neurology appointment and magically find what we were looking for. There is no magic potion. I wish there were. But, there are lots and lots of tests in Vicki's future. :( Even though it will suck, even though it will be a difficult few weeks and months, I am looking forward to it. Well, kind of. So here we go. Let's get them scheduled. 24 hour EEG. Sedated MRI. Geneticist. Blood work. Labs. Psych/Neuro/Behavioral clinic. I am ready to help Vicki slay the dragons, one at a time.

I don't want to go into much detail on the dragons we faced today. I am emotionally drained. Today sucked. A lot. Vicki was actually pretty good during her neurology appointment (of course, right? when you want to see behaviors and stuff...!) But like I said, the neurologist got enough to move forward. But the rest of the day. I have been trying to video some things so I can show the doctors. And Vicki gave me plenty to video today. :( Hours and hours of crying. And all the while she was crying she was wailing, 'I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.' I felt like my heart was being wrung out. I have had a knot in my stomach and a lump in my throat all day. Have you ever watched The Princess Bride? 'That is the sound of ultimate suffering'. That's what Vicki's cry sounded like to me today. It was everything. From putting her glasses on to eating her rice at dinner. From putting her shoes on to walking down the stairs. And then, of course, when the neurologist asked Vicki to walk for her, Vicki skipped down the hall to her daddy. Really Vicki?!?! I would appreciate it if you played along! :)  It was just me and Vicki driving up to pick Daddy up from work today before the appointment. And I have to say, it was one of the hardest rides of my life. She just kept screaming. And crying. And saying, 'I'm so sorry.' And then at one point I looked back and the look on her face was so frightening. It was such a wild fear. I can't even describe it. And I never ever want to see it on her face again. I worry that I am not strong enough for this. But I know I have to be. For Vicki.

And then we have mine and Vicki's knight in shining armor. Our hero. Daddy. He drove back up to the neurologist's office tonight to look for Vicki's royal steed and loyal friend, Layse Black Cat. (It's amazing to me really... that Vicki has had Layse Black Cat for quite a while and twice within this last month we have almost lost her.) My head must not have been in the game today. Vicki had Layse in the doctor's office. And then when we got home, she didn't. And it is amazing how losing Layse sent me over the edge. I was teetering on it anyway. I blamed myself. I cried for Vicki. It's a stuffed animal. I know. I don't think I was really crying for Layse, but for all Layse represented. And for Vicki. So in rides our knight in shining armor who has rescued Layse, and in turn has rescued me, and has rescued Vicki. And I am forever grateful. For everything.

I really am grateful. After all of the crying and all of the yelling and all of the emotions today, at the end of the day it was just me and Vicki in her room. And she held up her hand to my hand, and she laced her fingers through mine. And she squeezed. And she held our hands together over her heart. And she looked at me. And even though it is bad now, I know we will slay those dragons together, overcome the obstacles, and find what we are looking for. Together.