I think I have a plan. And that makes me very happy; Or at least makes me feel like we are heading in the right direction. I've come to many realizations today.
1. I think I am certifiably a basket case. But that's ok, because
2. I have the most amazing support system EVER. So many people so willing to lend an ear, to lend a shoulder, to lend a tissue, and to help me put the eggs back in my basket. Sometimes I can't believe I function at all, I feel like I go from such a high to such a low, to such a high, to such a low. 0-60 in 2 seconds flat.
3. The cure for a really difficult day is painting your nails in a rainbow of colors. Because each time I look down at my ridiculously colorful hands, I can't help but smile.
4. Vicki has the most amazing teachers. (This is not a new realization... it just needed to be said today). All I have to do is text, 'sh*t' to Vicki's teacher and she knows exactly what I'm talking about, exactly what to do, and exactly what to say. Among other things. )
5. I don't like giving up control. But then, I like giving up control. I want to be able to handle it all. But then I want someone else to handle it all.
6. Communication is good. Very good. Talking through things helps so much. Just having someone validate me helps tremendously. Gut instincts are good.
7. I am not looking forward to the next few weeks of developmental pediatricians, neurologists, blood work and everything else that will be coming up with it. BUT, I am looking forward to getting some answers. Either we rule out additional neurological stuff, or we find something and try to fix it.
8. It's time to relook at some biomedical stuff. We stepped back from it and now we are ready to go back to it.
9. I will do anything, ANYTHING I can to help my daughter find her way again.
10. It's always the days that you have something you need to be at that things fall apart the most. And it takes every inch of my self control to keep my emotions from creeping into the picture. When I get anxious, she gets anxious. Anxiety feeds on itself and others.
11. First grade field trips are anything but relaxing. And while I cherished the time I got with Ally today, taking that breath of fresh air and just clearing my head a bit (as much as you can clear your head with a bunch of first graders running around at a national park.), I also needed a nap when I got home. :)
12. It's hard to be a kid. Really hard. Harder than I remember. And sometimes, I am so grateful that Vicki doesn't have to deal with the politics of being a kid. That sounds odd, because of course I want Vicki to experience it all, but not having her know or understand 'kid-speak', it's kind of a nice protective response. This is not based on an interaction with Vicki today, just observation of first grade behavior.
13. The google doodle was cool today. I like zippers.
14. Joey just really rocks. I adore him.
15. And finally, sleep. It's a good thing. And I think I'm heading there soon. Armed with a new plan, a new to-do list, and hopefully a restful night of sleep... I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. Goodnight all! xoxo
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