Day 15. Year 2.

I am shocked. I don't have anything to say. That usually never happens.

Maybe it's the post-vacation, pre-mail sorting and laundry and all the other crap that piles up blues. Why is it that I always feel more exhausted and way more stressed after a vacation? Maybe it's because for a few days I just push all that stress and crap aside and fill my head and heart with great ocean breezes and family memories...that when the vacation is over, I open the flood gates and everything comes rushing at me in full force again. I guess you can't stop those things that need to get done that you try to put off because you just don't want to do it. Ignoring things and procrastinating can only last up until the very last minute. :) As I sit here tonight reflecting on what this coming week brings, I just wanna procrastinate a little more.  Some things I just don't want to tackle. I don't want to talk about stuff that's going on with Vicki. (Kinda ironic, huh? Considering I'm writing a 30 day blog about it... oh, and that reminds me, 15 days down, 15 to go...I really hope you are enjoying this blog. I don't know what you've taken from it, and if it's just something to help you procrastinate on your own to-do lists... well, then, that works for me! ha, ha...)

Seriously though, I get so frustrated and tired sometimes... and all I feel like I do is talk, talk, talk....Talk about the same stuff. Talk about the same behaviors. Talk about the same goals. I feel so often that all I do is talk. And I never do anything. I get so frustrated. All I want to do is help Vicki. And all I ever feel like I do is talk about helping Vicki. Talk about her behaviors. Talk about what the function of her behaviors might be. Is she doing it for attention? for escape? to get something tangible? or is it self-stimulating? Why is Vicki doing ......?  How can I ramp up my reinforcement? Is it biomedically related? Is it hormonally related? Should I blame this on her being a pre-teen? Is she just having a bad day, a bad month? 

Of course we all struggle with helping our children (and ourselves) every single day. That's part of our job as parents. To be a detective. To read between the lines and figure out what is going on even when our child doesn't tell us. Right? Use that magical mommy radar that goes off when we know something just isn't right with our child. And then figure out creative ways to help them through it. It's tough. Maybe it's taking the time to listen to what our child isn't even saying. And maybe it's time to spend that time just sitting in the dark rubbing their head and not saying a word. Maybe it's just being there.

I put a lot of stock in words and communicating. It's easy to say, 'well, just tell me how you feel'.... But what if they can't? Then what? How do we look for the clues we need to find to solve the mystery? And now, because it's Sunday night, and my mind is all over the place, and I don't even know what I just wrote, but talking about clues and mysteries... I now can't stop singing in my head, so I figured I might as well put it out there, so you won't be able to get it out of your head either. You're welcome! :)

You know we got a mystery to solve,
So Scooby Doo be ready for your act. Don't hold back!
And Scooby Doo if you come through
you're going to have yourself a scooby snack!
That's a fact!

Scooby-Dooby-Doo, here Are You.
You're ready and you're willing.
If we can count on you Scooby Doo,
I know you'll catch that villain.

So I guess there will always be mysteries to solve. And there will always be villains. And, if we are lucky we will solve the mysteries one at a time... Ruh roh.... Watch out week, I'm coming after you!! :)