Day 17. Year 2.

Money. Money. Money. Money.

Tax day. Tax day. Tax day. Tax day.

Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah.

Getting things done ahead of time. Now that's a novel idea. Why can't I be that person? It's not like tax day jumped out from around a shadowy corner and said, ' ah ha. gotcha! Didn't see me coming, did ya?' What is it about an approaching deadline that catapults me into suddenly being productive? What the hell was I doing with my time before? I was busy, I wasn't just sitting around. Honestly. It baffles me really. So, yes, I have numbers and money on the mind tonight.

Money and autism. Autism and money. It sucks. It really sucks.

Wouldn't it be great if we could just go back to bartering for services? I'll rub your back (yes... in a previous life it seems, I once was a physical therapist...) if you talk to my daughter (getting some speech therapy services.)  Everybody deals with financial strain; It's a topic of too many conversations that you never want to be having. Everybody worries about money. Making it, spending it, saving it.

I don't want tonight's post to be a whine fest, but, well, maybe a wine fest... after all, we finally hit submit on our taxes. :)  Yes, I worry that I will never be able to go back to work because of Vicki's needs. Vicki can't go to a day care. Vicki needs me to take her to and from school. I need to be available for those texts and calls from school when something goes wrong. I need to be there for her, I want to be there for her. I need to go to this meeting or that meeting to talk about Vicki's progress and goals. I need to call this doctor, make an appointment for that doctor. Get this medicine filled that's not covered by insurance. Donate to that autism organization because I want their research to directly benefit my daughter. What about Vicki's future? What about my future? What about our future? What can I do to ease the burden of financial strain? Why is it that the amount of money we can afford or can't afford to spend on therapies and medicines and doctors makes me feel guilty - for spending it, for not spending it. What if money were no object? How much more could we have helped Vicki?  Whine fest done. Wine fest commencing. :)

Enough about that. No wait. I have one more thing to say... Guess how much it costs to smile down at my daughter and look into her eyes? Guess how much it costs to spend that extra 10 minutes with her to allow her to slowly go through her day by reciting her visual pictures? Guess how much it costs to get goosebumps when I hear Vicki say, 'I love you Mommy'? Guess how much it costs to hear her recite The Lord's Prayer? Guess how much it costs to watch Joey hold Vicki's hand and dance with her? Guess how much it costs to watch Ally grab Vicki's hand and skip down the hall together? Guess how much it costs to hear Vicki sneeze and then hear her immediately say, 'Bless you' ? Guess how much it costs to see Vicki ride on daddy's shoulders and giggle because she has to duck to get through the doorway? Well, it cost me a box of tissues and it gave me everything I've ever wanted. I feel like I've won the lottery already. (And on that note, I'm off to bed... and it's not even midnight!)