Day 20. Year 2.

T.G.I.F.
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Last Friday night
Yeah we danced on table tops
And we took too many shots
Think we kissed but I forgot

Last Friday night
Yeah we maxed our credit cards
And got kicked out of the bar
So we hit the boulevard

Last Friday night
We went streaking in the park
Skinny dipping in the dark
Then had a menage a trois


Just wanted to preface this post with some crazy Friday night antics (courtesy of Katy Perry,  pop star).

And here's what really happened. (courtesy of Rosezella, the exhausted (gasp) middle aged, not 20 anymore, mommy who likes to go on a date with her husband somewhere we can actually hear each other when we talk instead of yelling over loud music, going somewhere that doesn't make my hair smell like smoke, and then going to shop in stores that are not fun at all when you have 3 kids with 6 hands, make that 24 hands because they turn into octopuses, or is it octopii?, when they are in a store where there are breakables, then decide not to go to a movie that they really didn't want to see and pay a zillion dollars for on the big screen, so instead drive around for a few minutes because we don't want to go back home before 10 pm, because that would be really lame!! then get home, put on pj's and a movie, and I promptly fall asleep and snore loudly... which by the way I am just getting up from now and am in that slightly still groggy sleepy state, hence the really bad post!!)

Last Friday night
Yeah we went to Applebees
Can I have a water with lemon please?
It was nice out on our date.

Last Friday night
Yeah we went to TJ Maxx
Bought a candle, paid some tax
Don't forget the Dollar store.

Last Friday night
We went walking hand in hand
Didn't see the movie that we planned
Came home at 10 and fell asleep.

And you know what? That was the perfect date night for my husband and I. Wow, what a difference from 15 years ago... it's funny the things we crave now and enjoy doing together. It's just nice to take a step away, take a deep breath, and let my nerves relax a bit, which I find extremely difficult to do.

I'm honestly not sure where I am going with this tonight. In case you haven't figured this out about me... I *think* I might be an anxious person. I know that I never used to be this anxious, maybe it was just having kids, maybe it was having a child with autism, maybe it's just in my nature to be anxious. I often try to plan ahead and think out possible scenarios for what 'might' happen, or what 'could' happen. What if? Yes, I am one of those people who check the locks on our doors not once, but 10 times a night, go back to my house to make sure the curling iron (well, now just iron) is unplugged and the stove is off. And do you want to hear something crazy? I am always a bit more anxious when it is just myself and my husband going somewhere. First of all, it doesn't happen that often, when it is just us in the car without one or all of the kids. And, gosh, I hope I am not the only parent who has ever thought about this, because then I will know I am completely irrational and off the deep end... I don't think I could ever fly somewhere with just my husband. Or drive somewhere long distance with just my husband. What if something happened? Then what? What if something happened to both of us? What would happen to our kids? Maybe I'm thinking about this because I just saw flyer about learning about guardianship for a child with special needs; we attended one of those presentations in the past.  And I miss my dad and I miss my dog. And I know that no one is infallible. And as much as I plan and try to control things, there are some things that are beyond our control. And there are some things that scare the shit out of me to plan. Wills and guardianship. No one ever wants to think of that kind of stuff. What would happen if something happened to both of us, who would take our kids and raise them? If that's not enough to ask someone to do, what about asking them to not only take our 3 children, but take one that is going to need support for the rest of her life. And it's not going to be easy. And I've thought and thought about this. And I sit and cry about this. Who would want Vicki? That sounds like such a horrible question! I want Vicki! I want Vicki! And everybody that knows Vicki, loves Vicki, and will always have a special place in their hearts for Vicki. But who would be able to provide the care for Vicki that she needs? Day in and day out...  I HATE these questions! And I HATE thinking about things like this. And I HATE writing when I am groggy, because this is what I come up with. Things that I never really want to talk about. Things that scare me so much that I push to a little dark corner and try not to ever look at and pretend I never have to. So, I think I will push these things back into the corner, put on a smile, and sing the Katy Perry song again. 6 am is coming really fast...lots and lots of stuff to do. So, I think I will try to go to bed now. But of course, now that I am thinking about stuff now, I will go to bed and stare at the ceiling until about 4. So, maybe I should wake my husband back up and put another movie on. Because that will guarantee that I will promptly fall asleep. :) Thanks for listening to some of my little black corner stuff. I plan on being all bubble gum and cotton candy and hearts and rainbows and unicorns and glitter tomorrow. xoxo