Day 9. Year 3.

Disclaimer about tonight's post... Subject matter is of a bit more personal nature than usual.... My apologies ahead of time if I offend anyone with my terminology or descriptions.

Tonight I wanted to talk about growing up. Growing up with autism.

I really have no right to speak on this subject, because I have know idea what it's like to grow up with autism. But, ironically, autism has made me grow up more as a human being and as a mom than I ever thought possible.

My son will be 13 next month. My youngest daughter will be 8 this Sunday. And Vicki will soon be 11. It's crazy to me how fast they grow up. Sometimes I look back at pictures and think that it was just yesterday... other times it feels like it was a lifetime ago that the were babies. Wow.

Anyway... the point tonight is not to get all misty eyed and reflective, but to talk a bit about puberty.
Just the other day Joey and I were in Five Below,  a favorite store with my kids... and he was looking in the book section. There were 2 books that caught his attention. A book with a blue cover that was titled, 'Just for Boys' and a book with a pink cover that was titled, 'Just for Girls.' He actually paused and quickly glanced through the boys book. Then he surprised me a little by asking if I would buy both of the books... he said that maybe they would be good to have and maybe Ally would like to read the girls one someday. So, I did. I figured... hey... maybe there is something in the books that the kids don't really want to ask me, their old mom, about. And if they read about it, cool. I try to be very open and frank with questions the kids may have. I also try to be George, Bob, and Larry. (ba-da-bing). I thought that was a lot funnier as I was typing it than it is now to go back and read it. ;) 

What was my reason for starting this conversation... oh. yeah. Tonight I measured Vicki for a new bra. (I thought about the books because there was a section on buying the right size bra in the girls book.) Anyway... Vicki has been wearing bras since Jan 1... I think it was 2+ years ago... Is that right? I don't know... but anyway... I remember the day because I thought, New Year, new stuff... It was one of those things that I thought and thought and thought about before I did it. I had no idea how Vicki would react. Sometimes I forget (and this sounds terrible....) that she is a young girl. I don't want it to sound bad, but I worry about how all of these things associated with puberty will affect Vicki because she has autism. And I tend to forget that it's not just about autism, it's also just as much about Vicki as a young, developing pre-teenage girl and how it affects her. Autism just makes puberty a bit more tricky.

So, where was I.. When Vicki started wearing bras, I opted to get her a sports bra. I thought it would be easiest type of bra to get used to. And just like Vicki does, she took it in stride. Mommy was freaking out. Vicki just let me put the bra on her. And from that day on, she's worn sports bras.

Well... she has developed quite a bit in the past 2 + years... and I am thinking it is time to make the switch to a different type of bra. One with a bit more support. So, I measured her tonight. And it went pretty well, actually. She giggled and laughed. She thought it was kind of funny. And although I knew her boobs were getting bigger, not until I measured her and did the math... wow. Just wow.

So, of course, now I am stressing about what type of bra I should get her. I'm pretty sure she doesn't need a padded bra... and I think the front closures would just be something for Vicki to pick at and play with. I think under wire would be too uncomfortable. So, I think I will just try a few of the normal, latch from the back bras... Then I think, satin-ish or cotton? Oh the choices... Vicki doesn't do well trying things on in stores. So I think I will just go grab a few different styles and have a bra trying on party some evening... Here's hoping that I learn Victoria's Secret. Oh my gosh... I just realized that Vicki is a Victoria. And autism keeps so many parts of Vicki a secret from me.  An interesting musing that I have made... yes... indeed. :)

So, bra discussion done. I'll let you know how it goes... I just wish I could ask Vicki what feels the best, what she would like. Sometimes she does ok with choices and other times she doesn't. I don't know if she knows what exactly I am asking her. I wish we could read the 'Just for Girls' book together and just talk. You know?

Let me tell you a few other things that I was quite worried about that Vicki ended up taking right in stride... Hair. It starts sprouting out from everywhere. I often wonder what Vicki thought about it when she first discovered it... I remember she had 1 or 2 hairs in the beginning and she would pull and tug at them every time she went to the bathroom. Because I can't really talk to Vicki about what to expect, it was just as easy to show her. Mom has boobs. Vicki has boobs. Mom has hair. Vicki has hair.

So, last summer... I don't know if those of you who have read in past years.... remember when Vicki was a Junior Bridesmaid in the wedding of one of her wonderful therapists... Vicki was going to be in a spaghetti strap long dark pink dress.. And I wanted her to be all fresh and clean when she would lift her arms up. I don't think it would have bothered Vicki if she had a lot of hair under her armpits... but it bothered me enough. I was bothered for her. I was vain. And for months and months leading up to the wedding I was trying to figure out how to be successful at this task. And try not to freak Vicki out too much. Or freak myself out too much. Too late for me. :) 

I tossed around tons of ideas... well, technically there are not tons of ideas. You pretty much either shave your pits with a disposable razor, an electric razor or use a hair removal product. Shaving scared the crap out of me. I knick myself too much when I shave my legs to feel comfortable shaving Vicki's arm pits. And I was not going to give Vicki a razor. I am, and will probably always be, nervous around things that can cut. Scissors, knives, razors... I think even if Vicki hadn't cut her hand so bad a year and a half ago, I would still be paranoid. After much deliberation and stress, I finally decided to try the Nair removal method. And I figured that since imitation works extremely well for Vicki, that I would use it first on me and then put it under her arm pits... We would Nair together. The very first time... I had to have my husband come in and help me hold up her arms. I'm sure she was afraid and unsure. It was hard to wait the 2 minutes before you rinse it off. But then we did. And the hair... was magically gone! I spared a few details here, but on the whole, a very successful first try and Vicki looked fantastic in her bridesmaid gown. :) 

The second time went much better. The third, even better. Now when I get the Nair out, Vicki holds up her arm herself. It helps that she likes the smell... which I don't understand... I think it's a very distinctive, icky smell. But there is fruit on the bottle... I think the fruit is blueberry and mango. So it makes Vicki happy. Happy and arm pit hairless. Another puberty thing kind of taken care of.

I know I wrote about the first time Vicki got her period (I will not rehash that)... it's not even a big deal anymore. And the fact that she is on a very low dose birth control pill now recommended by her endocrinologist... helps even more. I know exactly the day and time she gets her period. It is much lighter than it used to be and Vicki seems to be a little less up and down hormonally than she was before the pill. It doesn't surprise her when she gets it and she doesn't care when it is done. I fretted for years over this one.

I know we have more hurdles ahead of us, but I have to say... for an 18 year old's body, and a young child's mind... my Victoria has found her own way to get through puberty, autism or not. And she's keeping that one a secret. :) xoxo