One career path that I don't think I'd be successful in... being a juggler in the circus. Why? you may ask. Because I really suck at juggling. That's why. I suck at juggling both figuratively and literally. There are just too many things to think about at one time when you are juggling. Timing. Hand/Eye Coordination. Rhythm. It all has to fit together perfectly. It takes a lot of practice. It takes a lot of determination. It takes a lot of failure. It take s a lot of grit. It takes a lot of perseverance (there's Vicki's word again!) Most days I don't think I have what it takes.
What made me talk about the circus? And why do I now have this strong desire to go to the circus? It could be because the girls had some cotton candy at Chuck E Cheese tonight after Ally's birthday party. (Which, by the way, I am paying for dearly now... girls. sugar. sleepover. Silly me.)
Besides wanting to go the circus, why else am I talking about juggling? So often, as a parent, I feel like I don't juggle my time very well. I find myself questioning... did I spend enough time with this kid today? Did that kid get enough attention from me? Did I listen? Did I make the right choice? Did I handle that situation the right way? I wish I were good at this parent juggling gig. But I feel like I drop the ball way too much.
I'm so tired right now I don't even remember why I starting talking about this. Oh yeah. Ally's birthday party today. I feel like I was trying hard to juggle that today. I didn't have an aide for Vicki during part of her party. And today, unfortunately, was not one of Vicki's better days. Nothing crazy bad, just not good. And it was hard for me to juggle today. And sometimes I don't even know how to start. Which ball do I throw in the air first?
With autism, I find juggling life a bit more challenging. I know I talked yesterday a bit about Joey and Ally. About them having time to get out of the house and just be a kid. I struggled today during Ally's party... trying to find a way for Ally to just be a kid and enjoy her own birthday party and how to not isolate Vicki, how to have her engaged and happy during the party. So what do I do? Let me give you an example... Ally wanted to set out some snacks for her friends to enjoy... she was very excited to set out some goldfish, some pink m and m's, purple m and m's, donut holes, and a fruit tray with green and purple grapes, strawberries and cantaloupe. Ally set a beautiful place setting for each of her friends and had little name cards for each of them, Vicki included. :)
Ally loves to organize. As do I. And I'm pretty sure both of us have some strong OCD tendencies. Anyway... Ally was getting the table ready and Vicki came over and sat down. And even though I had set Vicki's timer for the 'special activity', she was just too caught up in the festive atmosphere. Along with the food, we had some of those little umbrellas on a toothpick that you put in girly drinks... Ally and I had opened a few so the girls could put them by their tea cups. Well, Vicki saw them and I was pretty impressed. She knew exactly what they could be used for. And I hadn't thought of it yet. Vicki proceeded to take the umbrellas and poke them into pieces of fruit and into the donut holes. And they looked super cute. Vicki did a great job. But then Vicki wanted to take not one, but 3 different plates... one for goldfish, one for fruit, and one for donut holes. And she was asking Ally so nicely for the food at first, then started grabbing all the pieces with umbrellas in them... I think she had about 9 umbrellas when we were done.
So, here I am... trying to juggle Vicki being a part of the party and Ally getting her party. In this instance, both girls wanted something completely different, yet in my mind completely reasonable. Ally wanted things to be just right for her guests to arrive. And Vicki was really excited to party.
I'm pretty sure whatever I did today made each of the girls mad. But maybe that's the point.. finding out how to walk that line between happy and sad, elated and pissed off, enjoyment and boredom. Eh. Not sure I can walk the line or juggle. But I sure as heck am trying. Maybe my life is that 3 ring circus after all. ;)
You've got a way to keep me on your side
You give me cause for love that I can't hide
For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide
Because you're mine, I walk the line.
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