Sunday, April 14, 2013

Day 13. Year 3.

I heard 'Ironic' by Alanis Morissette today... and I started to think about the some of the irony in Vicki's autism.

Isn't it ironic... don't you think...?
That Vicki is a young girl with very few spoken words who usually gets her point across very well... and her mommy... well... is a nearing middle aged young woman ;)  with way too many spoken and written words who hardly ever gets her point across (and hardly ever finishes a thought or a sentence.)

I was thinking about this a lot today. Vicki continues to increase her receptive and expressive word banks but still usually doesn't speak more than 2 or 3 words at a time and uses very few sentences. Of course we continue to work on this in all of her therapies and school. But one of the things I find amazing, is how many different ways Vicki can now describe things to us. If we don't understand what she means the first time, you can see the wheels turning and she will try to use a different word. I think that is an amazing skill.

I was just noticing some of her phrases today more than usual, and  thought you might like to hear some.
  • When she wants me to get up from sitting on the side of her bed in the morning... Mom. Get. Git. Mom. Go. Mom. Stand up. Mom. Walk. Get.
  • When she was describing what she wanted for lunch today.... Tuna. Tuna Fish. Mom. Cut. Celery. Cut. Onion. May-oh-nase. Mix. Tortilla. Lunch.
  • When we are sitting in the van and getting ready to leave somewhere but haven't started moving yet... Dad. Wheels. Car. Wheels. This way (and points).
  • When she's trying to tell me what movie she wants to watch. Wreck-It Ralph. (and I will look at her and say something like... we just watched that) and she will say Something different. Princess Sing-A-Long (which we've also been watching too much). I look at her and then she says. Strawberry Shortcake. (and smiles a little sneaky smile at me. She knows I won't say no to this... because we haven't watched Strawberry Shortcake in forever.)
  • When she's asking to go out for dinner and I tell her no, not today... Sunday. Car. Wheels. Restaurant. Dinner. Yes. Tomorrow.
  • She knew I had caved and ordered pizza for tonight... and she said... Dinner. Timer. (she wanted to know how long she had to wait.) Papa Johns. Pizza. Brown Door. Mom. Walking. (our front door is brown. She knew pizza was going to be delivered for dinner... soon. This was the first time she's ever said 'Brown Door. Mom. Walking' :)  I thought that was cool.
  • For dessert tonight she knew we were having pine-e-apple. (She's been loving holding it for a few days now!)  And Vicki knows that I have no idea how to cut up a whole pineapple. :)Dessert. Cut. Pineapple. Pine-e-apple. Dad. Walking. Cut. Knife. Dad. Pineapple. (But then my husband and I got nervous... because she ran into the kitchen really fast and started to grab a big knife to cut the pineapple with. The same knife that she cut her hand with on the pumpkin a year and a half ago. It's so hard. Vicki is so quick. And if there is anything out in the kitchen, she goes for it, touches it, smells it, picks it up, before you almost get a chance to get to her. I don't know how many times a day I say things like Vicki. Hands down. No touching. Wait.)
  • Oh, and then tonight at bedtime, I don't remember if I told you that I used to tickle her in kind of an odd way... I used to move my head back and forth quickly kind of by her belly... anyway... it's hard to explain, but she would giggle and giggle and giggle. And when I would stop shaking my head from side to side, she would look at me and say Mommy wiggle. Mommy. And she would smile. And then I would wiggle.. And she would squeal with delight. She did that tonight.. She must have wanted tickled and she remembered that... As I am going to leave her room she says, 'Mommy wiggle.. So sometimes to get Vicki to say more and describe things in greater detail I will feign ignorance. So I started to dance and wiggle. I knew that's not what she wanted me to do. And she says, No. Mommy. Wiggle. And then she adds Right here. And she points to her belly. So I kneel down by her bed and she brings my head to her belly and shakes my head back and forth with her hands. And she giggles and giggles and giggles. And when she has decided she giggled enough she says. Mommy. Walking. Door. I love you. Get. Git. Some of the best conversations EVER! :)
And... isn't it ironic...you know I really do think...?
That some of the very same reasons that I hate autism are some of the very same traits/habits of Vicki that make me smile.

For example. I hate some of the rigidity that binds Vicki to certain schedules and ways of doing things. Yet I find comfort in some of those very same routines and schedules.

I hate autism for making Vicki miss so many little things that happen in friendships and life as you grow up. Yet, I find comfort in the thought that Vicki doesn't have to put up with some of that pre-teenage girl shit and cattiness that I see that Ally is already going through.

I hate autism for limiting Vicki's language. But I have learned to appreciate every new word as if it were her first words. In a way, they are. Over and over again.

I hate autism for making me reach down into the deepest parts of my being, but I am glad that I have been able to find some things within me that have been, hopefully, able to help Vicki.


Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face
Isn't it ironic....?

xoxo

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