Day 4. Year 3.

 My apologies: I don't like skipping days on my blog when I am writing. I wrote a post yesterday, and then my Internet connection went down and I couldn't get it to post. So, here is last night's blog post, tonight. And tonight's will be coming along shortly :)
When I decided to start this blog 2 years ago, I chose April, of course, because April is Autism Awareness Month. I neglected to put 2 and 2 together that the kids spring break always fall in April as well, as does Easter, most of the time. We usually try to do some fun things with the kiddos to keep them busy over Spring Break, which means that I am not usually at home sitting at my desk working on my computer.I feel like such a slacker. But on the bright side... we've been having a fabulous break!  Anywho.... here's last night's post:

I like making 'To-Do Lists'. (I don't actually like doing them, but I like making them!) What gratification I get  when I can check off one of the boxes on my list. It feels so go. It feels so productive.It makes me feel so organized.

I feel like I always have a "Vicki To-Do List"...  Although her list usually seems to read like this,"Vicki's To-Do-To-Try-Like-Heck-To-Figure-Out-What-Is-Going-On-List."  I forget myself and focus so much on trying to fix the bad things, all of the things that are going wrong and making life a little bit tricky.  I feel like I continue to revisit so many behavioral concerns and issues. I can never put a check mark in the box on  Vicki's To-Do-List  in pen. It's got to be in pencil because I constantly have to erase it and bring it back. And sometimes it's so frustrating because I think, 'Damn. I am over this. I don't want to go back there again!' (For example, I am back to washing her bed sheets just about every morning because she is having pee accidents again in the overnight hours.. And Vicki is having difficulty again- She is having poop accidents at least 1-2 times a day.) I don't want to dwell on this issue tonight... I just wanted to give an example of things on Vicki's To Do List that I wish I could check off in pen, you know?

But tonight I choose to be positive. Did today go fantastic? No. Not at all. We had lots of issues. But it's so exhausting --- re-thinking and re-hashing and re-living different aspects of autism. Sometimes I really want to talk about it, other times, I don't.  I really need to start making more mental "Vicki Did-It Lists".

For example. This morning Vicki woke up and as I was making her bed, I found a tooth. She's been talking about this tooth of hers for a few months now. This was her last baby tooth that she had yet to lose. Yes, I am such a sappy mommy. I teared up a little thinking that my baby girl has no more 'baby' teeth to lose. :( Anyway, for months Vicki had been telling us that her tooth was uncomfortable, which in itself, should make the 'Vicki Did-It List". The first time she said 'hurt' and pointed to her tooth, I did quite the happy dance inside. Kind of made me feel bad that I was so elated that Vicki was hurting. I, of course, wasn't happy that she was hurting, but for her to express to us that she was hurting, was AMAZING! And Vicki would tell us time and time again, in so many ways that she wanted that tooth to come out. 'Mommy. Daddy. Wiggle. Tooph. Right here. Wiggle. Hurt.'  And she would point to her tooth. We would try to wiggle her tooth around for her and kept telling her not yet. 'Not yet.' she would repeat. And then she would say, 'Maybe tomorrow.' (Because a lot of the times that Vicki wants something to happen, such as going out for dinner... we'll say, 'not today'. And she'll say, 'Tomorrow'. Then we will say, 'Maybe tomorrow'. :)  Then Vicki would tell us to 'peel' it. I think she was trying to say 'pull it' the first time and it just turned into 'peel it'. Vicki also say, 'knife. cut. right here.' and she would point to her mouth. And of course, I got pretty nervous when she said, 'knife. cut.' But look at all the ways she was telling us that she wanted her tooph to come out. :) 

It just reminded me today when I picked her tooth up out of her bed how far we have come, how far Vicki has come. I remember that day she lost her first tooth years ago. For at least 2 hours she cried. She kept trying to put her tooth back in her mouth. It was heartbreaking to watch. (Thankfully Joey had just lost his first tooth like a day or 2 before that and he kept showing Vicki his toothless grin.)  Each tooth that Vicki has lost since then has progressively gotten easier. And each one of those successes should be checked off on my 'Vicki-Did-It List'. Each instance should be celebrated. EVERY moment is a learning moment. For me. For Vicki.

I know this probably doesn't seem like much of a post tonight, but it really made me think. And I think I really like celebrating my 'Vicki-Did-It List'. It's much better than my "Vicki's To-Do-To-Try-Like-Heck-To-Figure-Out-What-Is-Going-On-List."  Each list has a prominent place on my refrigerator though, and on my heart. And it's so important to check things off both of those lists. Here's to a check mark in pen by 'Vicki lost her last baby tooth today.' xoxo