Day 27.

Sun. Sand. Sea.
Sunburned. Sandy. So exhausted.
Spring Break. :P

In last night's blog I was talking about how iffy it can be with Vicki sleeping. Let me tell you, after the jam packed, sun-filled day we had today, sleep came fairly quickly to Vic tonight. Joey and Ally were out too as soon as their heads hit their pillows. It's too bad my husband and I are both exhausted too, and it's too bad that our sunblock decided to not show up for work today. We had applied it and reapplied it. And still aloe is our dear friend tonight. My poor husband is a lobster. And with Vicki's fair skin, she got it too, on her back. :( I do love the little bit of color to her cheeks though (and the freckles that sprinkle like cinnamon across her nose). It always makes me think of Vicki as Snow White... she even dressed up like her one year for Halloween. Another year she was Little Red Riding Hood because she was really into wrapping up in blankets that year, and I had found a cute long sparkly red cape. Vicki loved wrapping up in it. She was also Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz one year, and Ally went as her Toto... Speaking of tornadoes... sending out lots of prayers and hugs to all those who were affected by the devastating tornadoes today and all month.

Back to the sun. I was so proud of Vicki today. This morning, the first thing she said when she opened her eyes was 'cereal, milk'. She knows when we go on vacation that she gets to eat cereal on the deck. And, of course, we weren't quite prepared this morning. We forgot to stop for milk last night so my husband had to get up and get some this morning. And it took a few minutes. And Vicki was mad. She kept saying, 'cereal, milk.'  Waiting is so hard. And I think for Vicki, when she knows that she is asking for something and she is using the right words (well... technically, she should be using better sentences... and I usually do ask her to say it better, and then she'll shoot back with 'can i have cereal, milk, please. ') she gets really, really frustrated when it doesn't magically materialize in front of her. And of course, I forgot the timer I usually use to help her see that, yes, I hear what she is saying, and this is how long it will take until it happens. Visuals work so well with Vicki. (And it's cute, Ally sometimes asks me to set the timer for her so she can see how long it will take for what she is waiting for too.) So I kept telling Vic that daddy went to get milk. And we would have cereal and milk soon. Then it's like she's telling herself what's going on, and comforting herself in a way. She kept repeating, 'daddy. home. soon. you have to wait. cereal. milk. wait. you have to wait. daddy.' I love listening to her thought process aloud. She has been doing so good with that lately. Even though she hasn't been asking in complete sentences, she'll use the words she thinks she should use and then if something doesn't happen immediately, she will ask it again another way. I love this! Like this morning, after we finally got our cereal and milk, she was so happy!!!! giggling and really enjoying her breakfast. BTW- Daddy goes to the store for milk and comes home with milk, donuts and beer. Yep. Never fails. Fun Daddy buys the fun food. :)  And then mean Mommy has to ration them out.

Anyway... after breakfast she asked for her schedule and she saw 'special activity' and 'pool' on it... (Special activity was the beach and picking up seashells because I didn't have a beach one printed out...) She got really excited, the jumping up and down excited that is the best thing in the world to watch. The 'real' smiles. When I watch her reaction, it makes me get excited too. Vic then asked for 'bathing suit. pool. beach. sun. bathing suit. yes. swimming.' :P  Vic has always loved the beach. She loves the sand. She loves the water. She loves the waves. She loves the wind in her face. And just this past year or so, she's been more interested in other things at the beach as well. Ally loves collecting seashells. So much. And I think Vicki has shown an interest in seashells because she copies Ally. It's so great. Watching Vicki bend over, inspect the seashells, and pick up a few and then hand them to me. I still watch her really close, 2 sea shell pieces went in her mouth today, and she got a little mouthful of sand. But, in general, she is doing much better with that. Being at the beach with 3 children is stressful enough. Being at the beach with 3 children who are not strong swimmers (well, joey does ok, but Ally needs hands on and Vicki needs hands on..) is even more stressful. And being at the beach with 3 children, 1 of whom has autism, really puts me over the top. I thank God everyday for my husband. He is amazing. Without him, I think I would literally sit at home in the house all day long with the kids and never go out to experience anything because I am too scared to do it by myself. Vicki is pretty much hand-held at the beach every moment. Daddy and her love to stand  in the water and catch the waves. I was pretty proud of myself today, Vicki was sitting in the sand, burying herself and laying down in it and I wasn't holding her hand. She did get up and I had to grasp for her speedo back to catch her once... I remember there was one time at the beach when I think I was pregnant with Ally and I had Joey and Vicki on the beach by myself. We had tagged along on a business trip with my husband and he was in a class. I was so nervous being alone with just Joey and Vicki on the beach. And Joey, at that time, still needed a lot of supervision. Well, I still supervise him now at the beach! but you know what i mean... Anyway, I was feeling like such a terrible mommy. I had seen parents use those little safety harnesses with their children in malls before... and I always told myself that i would never 'put my child on a leash'. But there I was, sitting in the sand with Joey and Vicki, and Vicki was wearing an Elmo safety harness. And I did it because I felt like I had to. I did it because I needed to be with both kids and Vicki was really good at wrangling out of my grasp, and she was really fast for such a tiny thing. And I wanted to be at the beach with my kids. And that's what made me feel comfortable with Vicki's safety. And I remember getting some of those stares... the same stares I probably gave parents myself before. And I just wanted to say to them that my daughter has autism and I felt the need for the harness to keep her safe so I could interact with both of my kids.

And I told myself that day, that everyone has a story. Everyone has a reason. Everyone has issues. And it's not fair to make assumptions. It's not fair to assume a parent is lazy. It's not fair to assume a child is just a 'bad' kid. It's not fair to assume that a child's parent doesn't know how to discipline their child. Because everyone has a story. And everyone has moments. And taking a moment out of context doesn't help anyone.
I know I've said before that so many Disney songs have double meanings for me. I'll close tonight with another one that brings tears to my eyes. Every time. I think it was about two and a half years ago, we were sitting at soccer practice and I had just gotten a cell phone upgrade and I was playing with my phone, taking pictures of the girls, and using my record a voice message setting. The girls were enjoying listening to themselves on the phone. And we were singing from The Little Mermaid that day. And I have a recording that I treasure so much. And I still listen to it to remind me of why I do the things I do everyday... Vicki's voice is so clear and amazing on that recording. And she sang it with so much feeling. And it makes me cry and gives me goosebumps every time.

But who cares?
No big deal
I want more
I wanna be where the people areI wanna see, wanna see them dancin'
Walking around on those - what do you call 'em?
Oh - feet!

Flippin' your fins, you don't get too far
Legs are required for jumping, dancing
Strolling along down a - what's that word again?
Street

Up where they walk, up where they run
Up where they stay all day in the sun
Wanderin' free - wish I could be
Part of that world

When's it my turn?
Wouldn't I love, love to explore that world up above?Out of the sea
Wish I could be
Part of your world

Dearest Vicki. I want to give you the world. I want you to be a part of my world. I want to be a part of your world. And I want to explore it all with you. xoxo