Day 2.

Ugg. My poor husband. I really wish I could stay awake at night, but more often than not - as soon as I hit the couch after the kids go to bed, that's it for me. What an exciting Saturday night date I am... I wake up just as the movie is over. And, now I'm not tired.
I want to thank the soccer association for having both Joey's team and Ally's team wear their blue jerseys today for World Autism Day. :)  I'm sure they did that for us -- what are the odds that both of their teams were the home team today that got to wear blue -- well, my amazing math skills can't really put that answer together. Hmm... maybe a 50/50 chance? Maybe not. Just a little shout out to the supersonics and the minnows for their amazing game openers today! Of course with 3 kids, most families have to split up their Saturday morning sports stuff... So I got the girls this am. And I always say a little prayer that we get a parking space close by, just in case Vicki has a big tantrum and I have to get her to the car myself. And yay, the field was a little muddy today. Mud is such a fun sensory 'draw' for most kids... and Vicki is no different. The first half of Ally's game went by pretty easy, I even got Vicki to cheer for her a little bit. Go Ally!! Gotta love those free apps on my phone, the disney princess and the barbie puzzles and the food flash card game.  And then, on the flip side, gotta curse them as well... Technology is sometimes the answer and sometimes the problem for Vicki's behavior. Right after half time, when I was feeling pretty good about stuff, Vicki was working on one of the more difficult princess puzzles. She started yelling and was getting antsy. I prompted her to ask for help. She couldn't figure out one of the grey castle pieces... and sadly, neither could mommy. I even used the peek button, which Vicki doesn't even know exists, and I still couldn't figure out the puzzle. Oh daddy, wish you were with us, you would have gotten it. So, I told her that I couldn't fix it and we had to move on to the next puzzle. Gotta love that she's not a quitter! And she got mad. I thought I skipped to the very next puzzle, which still would have made her mad, but instead, I started it over at level 1. Crap. And my reflexes are not as fast as hers... And there goes my phone on the ground in the mud. Curse that one stupid gray puzzle piece. Needless to say, the last half of the game was not quite so fun. We worked through it, mud was involved, some looks, always some sympethetic and some accusing. I hate wishing for time to speed up. And I kept thinking, please let her walk to the car ok, please let her walk to the car ok. Phew. Success. Thank goodness it was a little cold and started to sprinkle. Car equals warmth, dryness and scooby doo grahm cracker snacks. We had Vicki's visual schedule in the car with us, so she saw that the next thing after Ally's soccer was running. First day of special olympics track practice. Daddy and Joey met us there, and this never happens - it was at the hight school right next to where Ally's soccer game was. Woo hoo. But no woo hoo for the weather. Doesn't the weather know that running is on Vicki's visual schedule? How dare it start downpouring... at least we were running 5 minutes late, so we weren't on the field when the rain hit. So they cancelled practice and we turned around to go home. Took the running picture off of her schedule and told her it was raining and we were going home for lunch. That we had to change our plans... All was okay until we pulled into the garage at home. She wouldn't get out of the car. After almost 9 years, you'd think I'd know how to react to each thing Vicki throws at me. But no, when I am right in the middle of it, I still feel my pulse quicken and my emotions start to go. I can't imagine what it must be like for Vicki. And I don't usually rationalize her behavior correctly all of the time. Well, why is she tantrumming? It is for avoidance, is it attention seeking? Is it this? Is it that? And I feel so selfish so often. I just want to go in the house and make the kids lunch. Please Vicki, just get out of the car. Finally with some physical guidance she does. Then she's sitting on the concrete garage floor. So I think she's just mad and wants attention. She craves that power struggle sometime. So we ignore it and watch her out of the corner of our eyes. What seemed like 20 minutes later, but was closer to 5, she got up and walked inside and closed the door and calmly asked for her peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Sigh. Of course the rain had ended almost as soon as we got home. And now the sun was out. Vicki said, 'I need to go potty'. So we went to the bathroom. And she says, "make yellow, then cars." Vicki loves to go on car rides. And frankly, so do we. I love it because we just turn the radio up and sing and everyone is usually relatively happy. And daddy always finds us a fun new adventure. We agree to go on a car ride, so I set Vicki's timer for 25 minutes and she is happy as could be. We ended up driving up to Warrenton, there was a bicycle shop there that had ordered us some new training wheels for Vicki's bike. We would love to help her ride, and are struggling with how to do that. Regular training wheels just don't cut it. So we got some extra big ones. We'll see how these work. While daddy was in the store picking them up, Ally got out of her seat and went and sat on Vicki's lap in the car. Hence, a nice little moment of sisterly love. It just makes me smile so much and my heart swell to see the connection Vicki shares with both Ally and Joey. Then we found a cute little park, see daddy always delivers! There was a stream and a walking path and a playground, and a super fun little circle of cement rock/blocks, that turned into a wonderful climbing game for the kids. It made me dizzy going round and round like that. I could tell that Vicki's quads were sore when she was finished...because the last time around instead of climbing the blocks, she just straddled them. :)  We get back in the car and she immediately says, "10 minutes then Applebees dinner." We should really buy stock in Applebees. :)  So I say, no, a different restaurant. And she's fine with that today. Just hungry. She finished her meal quickly and then starts asking for everyone else's food. In the car on the way home (Ally,  my little old lady --- with her doggy bag of take home food still has some chicken and french fries left.) For 10 minutes all we heard was 'Vicki chicken. Vicki french fries. Vicki food. Vicki eating. Vicki chicken. Vicki french fries. Vicki food. Vicki dinner." We told her that she was all done, she ate her food already in the restaurant. Then we hear "All finished. All done. All finished. All done." I have to smle with the tone that I hear in her voice. Billy Idol to the rescue. :) We pulled into the garage. Here we go again. We had a fun afternoon, maybe she didn't want it to end. Maybe she just remembered tantruming earlier today. Time to get out. 'No.'  But it was better. She got out of the van herself in less than a minute and stomped into the house. :)  Ahh... she may have autism, but I see a lot of that other disease known as 'pree-teen'. Shudder.
I know that I designed this blog to talk about Vicki and autism. But autism not only affects the child, but the family as well... especially siblings. I could write pages and pages about what Joey and Ally have been through as well and everything we try to do to help them. When I don't fully understand what autism is and why it is, how can I explain it to them? I remember once, someone gave us a look in a store... this was a few years ago, before my skin was as thick as it now... and Joey looked right at that person and said, "my sister isn't being bad, she just has some electric wires in her brain that are sick and don't connect right." I went home and cried that day. For Vicki. For myself. For Joey. He shouldn't have to be the parent and take on as much responsibility as he does.
I am proud of all of my kids beyond belief. I remember once, when Joey was in preschool, a mom came up to me and said that Joey was so sweet to her daughter. Her daughter had just gotten glasses and was feeling insecure. Joey went up to her and smiled and said, I like your glasses. They look nice. I feel like having a sister with autism has helped strengthen Joey's charancer and become such a fine, sensitive young man. And my Ally. The 'little' sister, who is Vicki's big sister in so many ways. What a blessing. She loves Vicki unconditionally (as Vicki loves her). As I said, she jumped on Vicki's lap today and let Vicki stroke and smell her hair, and smother her in loving hugs. Then when Vicki has some trouble getting out of the car today, Ally made her a paper bracelet that said, 'Vicki you are ok' on it. Then it was bedtime tonight and we all go in Vicki's room and sing our Barney I love you song. After the song, Vicki just got up and pushed Ally and Ally bumped into the wall. Instead of crying or lashing out, Ally just said 'goodnight Vicki. I love you', and then when Ally and i were snuggling in her room, she looked up at me and asked, 'why does Vicki push me like that?' Oh Ally, I wish I had that answer and many more...  Tonight ended in Vicki's room with Vicki singing some songs from Beauty and the Beast. I love these times. Her voice is so beautiful, I remember when she wasn't talking at all at age 4. And I love the fill-in-the-blank song game. I sing a verse, Vicki sings a verse. Such a connection. When I'm really in the moment, and listening to the lyrics as she sings them, I sometimes tear up.
Look there she goes that girl is strange, no question
Dazed and distracted, can't you tell?
Never part of any crowd
'Cause her head's up on some cloud
No denying she's a funny girl that Belle...
Look there she goes that girl is so peculiar
I wonder if she's feeling well
With a dreamy far-off look
And her nose stuck in a book
What a puzzle to the rest of us is Belle...
Now it's no wonder that her name means "beauty"
Her looks have got no parallel
But behind that fair facade
I'm afraid she's rather odd
Very diff'rent from the rest of us
She's nothing like the rest of us
Yes, diff'rent from the rest of us is Belle...
So, what did world autism day bring for Vicki? What did it bring for her brother and sister? Her family? Another day. Another day of happiness and saddness, of laughing and crying, of hugging and pushing, of jumping for joy and tantruming on the ground. You just have to take stock of every moment of every day and say thank you for those little moments that keep you going. That keep you hoping. Goodnight my Belle. xoxo