Spring Break. The idea of it is nice. It give me a little taste of summer. After day 1 of spring break, I've decided, I'm not ready. :P Breaks, in general, I think, are just as hard for my kids, especially Vicki, as they are for me. Sometimes, when we have a day off of school, it confuses the heck out of Vicki. The worst were the 'snow' days we had this winter, they were more like 'ice for a few hours' days... When we would have a 'snow' day, and Vicki would actually see the snow outside, she knew what to expect. We would go out and play in the snow. But when we had 'snow' days, where Vicki couldn't see any snow on the ground, it was much more difficult. I know that she is really starting to understand the days of the week and what happens during most days now, so when things don't go as expected, she's thrown. Today wasn't too bad. So that was good. :) She slept in, took a long bath with her mermaid barbies, and had bacon and french toast (courtesy of pappy) this am. She did some work on the computer and loves the reinforcement of a princess drawing DVD she uses. Vicki can be echolalic. Very echolalic. And when she does this computer DVD, she tends to repeat a lot of the phrases the person talking on the DVD says after she is done with it... It's a 'learn to draw Disney princesses' DVD. It's kind of cute though. I love to hear Vicki's voice. I don't care what she says. I just love to hear her voice. And after working on the princess game, she'll echo some stuff... like... Belle means beautiful in French. or oh, look at her earrings...
I think of the curve balls that autism throws at us. Often it makes me feel sad. But it also makes me feel grateful. There are so many things that Vicki can do. I think about articles that I read, or people that I have talked to... all of the self-injurious behaviors, all of the eating issues, and the ones that get to me the most, are those children that are completely non-verbal. The mommies that have never heard their child say 'mommy' or 'i love you'. It was years for me to hear those words from Vicki. And they are music to my ears. Every time. I embrace the echolalia. I embrace the scripting. I embrace it all, because I can hear Vicki's voice. It's there. Somewhere. I've always wondered what Vicki's voice sounds like. That may seem odd, since she is 'verbal'. I'll try to explain what I mean -- she'll emulate phrases she's heard, copying the pitch and tone of the words spoken. I've always felt that her voice changes, like a chameleon changes colors. Her voice changes. She has a different cadence and tone when she counts to 100 than she does when she requests an object. Each word has it's own inflection. Each yell is different. Each cry is different. Sorry. i got off track... I'm not sure what station I'm pulling into now. :P
We played with shaving cream. A favorite of all the kids (and secretly mommy's too!) I LOVE the smell of shaving cream. Vicki loves the sensory experience of the shaving cream. She's gotten much stronger that the last time we played. I used to like it, because she would have to ask me to put more shaving cream down for her. So she was always talking. Today, she asked. I didn't answer her fast enough, so she got the shaving cream herself and pushed the nozzle. I like that fine motor manipulation! And I SHOULD like the independence, but the jury is still out on that one. :) I remember one day, a long time ago, I turned my back on her for just a second. I turned around and she had her shirt off, and a nice new shaving cream shirt in it's place. She still loves to rub the shaving cream all up her arms.
We played with the 3D chalk. Cool. But, I don't like the chalky mess it makes... Ick. She drew her princesses. She always draws princesses. But i've noticed that if I tell her what to draw, she'll do it. And she's good at it. One day I told her to add some grass and flowers to her princess picture. She did. Then I told her to add a butterfly. Then a bird. Then a bumble bee. Then a cat. And they were all great! If you just let her go and do her thing, then she'll do that thing, but if you push yourself into her world, she'll accept you. :) It just takes perserverance.
Do you want to know what my most frequently used phrase is? 'What's Vicki doing?' If she is not directly in my line of sight. 'Joey, what's Vicki doing?' 'Looking at her cookbooks, mom. She's fine.' If I run to the bathroom for a second (and let the door open... ) I'll yell to Ally, 'What's Vicki doing?' 'Mom. She's taking the clothes off of Barbie. Vicki put the clothes back on her. Moommmm.' Right before Ally was born, my husband took out the partial railing we had going from the eat in area of the kitchen to the living room - it's a step down living room. He built a half wall with a pocket door. It's a heavy door. He did this so that I could nurse Ally without having to freak out about what Vicki was doing. The door was too heavy to move for a child and we had a little lock on it, so that we could all stay in the living room together. Baby gates were not Vicki proof. Gosh, I am seriously all over the place tonight. I should stop babbling! But... not quite yet... Anyway, I was talking about my favorite phrase. I worry all of the time, every moment of the day. And night. I worry. I know that more often than not, Vicki is fine. But I think that after that one time, years ago, I will never rest again, not really. I constantly monitor Vicki. All of the time. If my eyes aren't directly on her, then I am asking Joey or Ally. If their eyes aren't on her then one of the girls who works with Vicki is watching her. Vicki is never, ever left unattended. Vicki never just goes up to her room to play. Vicki never goes into the bathroom by herself. I never go the basement to do laundry when I am watching her. I never close my eyes when I am with her.
OK. One more thing. Grammie and Pappy left this morning to go back home. I think Vicki is going to miss them. Vicki never misses a beat... she noticed their bags by the door this am and the fact that they were dressed and moving around by 9! :) She was eating her breakfast of french toast and bacon with Grammie and she started crying. Grammie looked at me. I shook my head. I don't know why she was crying. But I can guess. She didn't want them to leave. And that, is what it's all about!! Building relationships and loving unconditionally. xoxo
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