Day 6. Year 5.

Some days I just get really sad. Monday was one of them.

Spring Break Week.

We typically take a little vacation somewhere... and we usually end up at a beach. Vicki loves to ride in our van.And she loves the ocean.  Especially when it's Vicki, Ally, Joey, Daddy, Mommy. Gosh, how I wish (doesn't everybody...) that we had unlimited funds and unlimited time. The places we would go and explore. Sigh.

Anyway... not the point of this post. We had planned on taking a little trip up to PA to spend a few days with our families this year for Spring Break. But that didn't happen... With Ally stubbing her toe so bad we had to take her to urgent care on Easter for x-rays...she ended up on crutches, of course... And Joe's asthma deciding to flair up with this Spring weather... he must be coughing at least 30 times a minute. Lots of new meds and nebulizer treatments for that kiddo.  Anyway, with 2/3 kids kind of out of commission, we decided to stay at home for a little stay-cation, rest-cation, get better-cation.

Vicki was confused. She knows we usually travel somewhere over spring break. She loves the van.
And now we weren't going anywhere... and we had no plans. A week of just chillaxing.

So, why was I sad? I guess it was because I looked at what Vicki did all day on Monday, and it seemed so... nothing. And that made me sad. It also got me thinking.

Who am I to say what someones day of chillaxing should look like? I know what I consider relaxing (actually, I don't know what I would consider relaxing anymore...) would not be the same thing my husband considers relaxing. Joe's relaxing is not the same as Ally's. And Vicki's isn't the same either. Why am I judging what makes her happy and relaxed?

For Joe... playing video games all day is relaxing. For Ally... doing crafts is relaxing. For Daddy, watching home improvement shows is relaxing. And for Vicki... what did she do? She loves to sit in our pink rocking chair by the front picture window and look outside. She could sit there for hours. And she does. She stares at the same page in a cookbook. For hours. She loves to look at my toes. For hours.

Why do I get sad? Maybe because she looks so vacant so much of that time. She doesn't speak. She doesn't look at me. She just stares. Blankly. I never see her smile.

And I think to myself... I want to help her so much. I want to make her smile. I want her to enjoy life. I want her to be engaged and interactive.

Maybe, just maybe, though... I should just let her have her own form of chillaxing. Maybe just one day I shouldn't analyze it. Maybe she finds it peaceful. Maybe she's found joy inside. I hope so. xo