I'm sorry I haven't been keeping up with posting. If you want to know the truth, I am overwhelmed. By everything right now. :(
This may be a bit of a scattered post. But it's 4:30 in the morning and I've been up most of the night...
it's actually because of my youngest, Ally.... She's been sick since Sunday night... hence, why I haven't been posting. This is going on day 5 for her of the worst stomach bug ever. I feel so bad for my sweet girl. And it was Ally's birthday on Tuesday, double digits. I hate seeing my kids sick, but it's really sad when they are sick on their birthdays....
I just want to cry. And yell. Please give our little family a break. It's been such a rough year. And a really rough spring break last week and this week... and I just pray that I can get all of my kids healthy. Joe is still coughing a lot. It's better than it was, but... still crappy. And since Vicki's episode on Friday in the shower, she has been better.... but we still have no answers for that. And honestly, I am so scared every morning when I am in the shower with Vicki now. And now Ally being so sick.
It's hard enough when any of your kids is sick, but to have multiple problems with each of them simultaneously is making me feel very overwhelmed and helpless. You know that Vicki's emotions are, well, different. She finds things funny that most wouldn't. She laughs when others are crying etc... And it was so hard last night (well, a few hours ago) when Ally got sick while she was on the chair in the living room. It was one of those moments when I knew I needed to help Ally somehow, but you just feel lost, like you are moving in slow motion and wondering how to catch the vomit and clean her up and make her feel better without completely covering the house in yucky stuff... Anyway, while this is going on, Vicki was sitting at the table and she saw Ally throw up. And Vicki thought it was funny, really funny. So as Ally is throwing up, Vicki is laughing. And I have no idea what to do.
So... on top of all of the sickness, just day to day stuff is getting to me as well... I know I say this all of the time. But it happens all of the time.... and it takes such a toll on me. Not knowing if Vicki will move from one place to another and knowing I can't really do anything about it if she doesn't... It's so hard. I literally hold my breath each time we move from one place to another. From the table to the van in the morning before school. From the van to the school. From the school to the van. From the van back into the house. From the chair to the van for dance class. From the van to dance class. Every transition in dance class. Every. Single. Transition. From dance class to the van. From the van to our house. From the chair to the bathroom.From the bathroom to the chair. From the rocking chair to the kitchen chair. And the list goes on and on. It's every single time Vicki goes from a sitting to a standing or a walking position. It's every single time. Sometimes it's quick. Sometimes it's not. And I wait. And wait. I know this may not sound difficult. But it is. It's so hard. And it's so overwhelming and exhausting. Emotionally. Physically. Sigh. And you know what else?? Having to talk about it all of the time with professionals on our team is just as hard. So often I am so tired of talking. It's years and years of going around about the same issues. Having tried hundreds of different approaches and plans. If I am not living it in real time, I am talking about it and analyzing it.
Geeze. I'm sorry I am such a downer today. I didn't mean to whine and complain so much. I think I am just tired. Thanks so much for listening to my rants. Love all of you so much. xoxo
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