Day 5. Year 5.

I'm going to admit something. I love looking at holiday and family pictures that people post. Every single one of them. I loved seeing all of the Egg Hunt and Easter Bunny pictures and big family photos of everyone sitting around a table full of yummy food. I love hearing the stories that people tell of their family escapades.

I love it all. But, sometimes I get so jealous of it all too. I wish and I envy.

 I know a snapshot is just what it is. It's a snapshot. It's one second of a moment in time.

I know that oh so well... One of the interesting things about social media is that you have a certain amount of control over what people can see. Maybe you show them what you want them to see. That's one reason why I love digital cameras. Out of hundreds of pictures I take... there are a handful of them that I really like. And those are the ones you see. There's that one picture that takes my breathe away... say, Vicki's looking right at the camera and smiling a genuine smile that reaches her eyes. She looks so present. She looks so happy. And that's what you see.

You don't see all of the other ones... the ones where she looks vacant. Where she looks sad. Where she is crying. Where she is sitting on the floor because she won't get up and move. You don't see those. I don't want you to see those.

I try so hard to find the positive and the good in every day. And I try not to dwell on the bad and the difficult.

But sometimes... when I see my facebook feed loaded with smiling, happy children, and lots of busy family get-together s... I shed a tear or two. I know that everyone has struggles. And most people show you what they want you to see. You capture that one second of pure bliss. And then all the kids get grumpy and start yelling at one another. You don't post a picture of the burnt bread you made.

Sorry, I'm not really sure my point tonight with this post. I just know that we shut ourselves off from so much because it's so hard. It's hard enough just getting through a day here at home... to add in different houses with different issues that Vicki has, with the exhaustion that accompanies it all, sometimes it's just easier to hole ourselves up in our house with our little family. And the hour and 20 minutes it took to get Vicki to to walk outside for the backyard egg hunt wasn't witnessed by anyone else but our little family. And the vacant look that was in her eyes when we tried to get her to look at her Easter basket, we only saw that. And the tears. We didn't show that to anyone.

I am grateful. I really am. And I am thankful. And I need to remember to be thankful for that one snapshot, that one moment. And celebrate it. xoxo