Sigh. Another week of not posting. :( We spent spring break at the beach... and although I took my computer with me and had the best intentions of writing every night... I had some technological difficulties...I forgot to pack my laptop's plug in keyboard, my laptop keyboard doesn't work. Apparently, it is not a good idea to spill coffee on it... I learned that a few months ago. So, the last post I did, I did it with the virtual keyboard where you have to click type each letter with the mouse. It took me way too long to post just those 2 paragraphs...and our internet connection was so bad that I would lose connection before I finished a sentence. So, here I am. We are finally home and I now have a fully functional keyboard and internet connection. :) I decided...that with as much daily posts as I have missed, I am going to extend to get 30 days in. I will be ending my 30 days with Vicki's 12th birthday on May 12th (with a few 2x a day as well). I like to write for the 30 days in April since it's designated as autism awareness month, but since I am aware of the autism that we are aware of 24/7 365 days a year... a few days in May shouldn't be much different.
The last post I wrote talked about the little moments. I think I talk about the little moments so much because I have to. Because it helps me to. Because if I don't live for those little moments, then sometimes it's so hard because some of those big bad moments suck. A lot.
Warning: major shift in thought processes. ;) I want to talk about pictures tonight.
Pictures are a very integral part of my life. I am thankful for digital cameras everyday. ;) I think I took about 1,000 pictures this past week at the beach. And sadly, that's probably a pretty close estimation. Sheesh. I love capturing memories. Vicki loves looking at pictures. We laminate so many pictures for her visual schedule. We make little photo books all the time. We put scrapbooks together of her Layse Black Cat, of all of her birthday cakes, dance recitals, Halloween costumes, and lots and lots of pictures of Vicki cooking.
I am one of those crazy facebook picture posters... Not like a poster that you tape up on your wall with that blue poster sticky stuff... But a poster. I like to post pictures. But I am very selective of the pictures I post. I don't post pictures of other people... unless I have their permission. I tend to only post pictures of my kiddos. Wow. Go back and reread this. Peter Piper Picked a Peck of Pickled Peppers. ;) HA! Anyway.... for that one picture that I post of my kids... there are 100 other pictures of the same thing that didn't make the cut. I'm not really sure why I am babbling about this. I actually am sure, but can't seem to figure out how to say it. It's like celebrating the little moments. If you look at that one picture that I post of Vicki....you may see an engaged, smiling little girl... looking directly into the camera, sitting so nicely in that canoe or see the one picture on the beach that I will post that just takes my breath away..... it gives me chills... it's absolutely the right moment and it shows all of Vicki's amazing-ness. I want to blow up that picture and hang it on my wall. I have to see those pictures and feel those moments. They are developed in my heart.
I allow those moments to be out there. It's the other 100 pictures, the other 100 moments that I keep bottled up inside that I would never show another person. I see that picture and I delete it right away. And I guess that's not fair. Because I am only showing you one side of the coin.
If you see what I want you to see and read what I want you to read, then that's what you get and what you may perceive as the autism that I show you. You may think, 'I don't know what she is complaining about... look at her daughter, sitting there in the canoe and smiling on the beach. I don't see autism'. And maybe that's because I don't want you to see it. To really see it. I don't want you to see the 3 hours before that picture on the beach was taken. I don't want you to see the entire rest of the day of our canoe trip.
It's funny... I was actually going to write about some of the challenges that we had this week.... and I will... but again, tonight... I chose to keep that little moment, that one picture, my beautiful Vicki the center of this post. Until tomorrow morning friends. Thanks for sticking with me.... xoxo
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