KEEP CALM and.... carry on. You know those memes, right? As a quick aside... I just googled it to make sure I spelled meme right and I started scrolling down the images. Did you know there are a gazillion memes out there using the Keep calm and carry on style? ;) I find a lot of them irritatingly dumb. But I giggled out loud (I just can't get myself to type that I LOL... wait, I just typed that. Ha.) for a few of these. So I thought I would share them with you:
Keep calm? Seriously? In this house?
I am Italian. I cannot keep calm.
I don't always keep calm, but when I do I carry on.
Now panic and freak out.
Keep calm and go to Target.
Keep calm and rub some bacon on it.
And my favorite:
Keep calm and write on.
So I will try.
I'm not sure I have a keep calm switch on my body. I wish I did. I tend to freak out easily. I tend to think about things too hard. I seriously feel like all of my nerve endings are standing at attention, like hair does when it is rubbed against a balloon. ALL. THE. TIME. Of course, it could be that I always have a coffee cup sitting next to me. ;)
I often wonder if I would be like I am today if I didn't have autism in my life. And I think I probably would be, to some extent. I am a worrier. Hopefully I am a warrior too. But I do worry. I'm pretty sure I would have an extra 6 hours a day if I stopped worrying so much. :) But I think when you have a child that can't be alone at all, that always has to be watched, that you always have to be on your toes for... it's hard to keep calm. It's hard to just let go.
What sparked my keep calm theme tonight? Well, like I said, I am a worrier. And I tend to notice a lot of little things. Because I pay so close attention to detail with Vicki, I notice more things than I probably would otherwise. And I don't like questions... Why is she doing this? What is that? How come she does this? And so on.... I want answers. And it's hard when Vicki can't verbalize why she is doing something. Even if she could verbalize it exactly, maybe there isn't a reason why she's doing it. Maybe whatever I am freaking out about is just.... just a habit, or just a child trying out things to see how things work. But I always read so much into the little things I notice about Vicki. Because history has told me that a lot of the little things that seem incidental and small, add up together in a big way sometimes... So I make sure we write down everything. Maybe something is the start of something else neurological. Maybe it's a side effect of a new medication. Maybe it's just something she saw or something she finds comfort in, or who knows.... But I know I definitely don't keep calm. :)
I worry about every little thing. Why is she talking so much about her scar on her hand now? Is it bothering her? Does it hurt? Why did she have odd little bumps on her right forearm a few weeks ago? Why does she seem to be picking at her arm, and her teacher even said she picked out a few hairs on her arm.Ouch. Why? Why is she scratching at her leg? Maybe she just has a bug bite and she is picking at them again more. It seems like there is more hair in her comb in the mornings when I comb her hair out after a shower. Why did she hold her breath tonight and roll her hands up and down her belly? Did she think it was funny? Is she playing around with her diaphragm? Will she remember to take a breath when I close the door? Is something bothering her? Why was she breathing so heavy when she was doing squat jumps and riding the stationary bike yesterday? Maybe because she was just out of breath from exercising! Geeze. I am really a worrier. Why is she posturing her hands in more closed fisted positions? Why is she making a certain yell now? Why was she super echolalic last night? I feel like a 4 year old asking all of these WHY questions.
My new meme:
Keep cal.... wait. Why? ARGGGG. ;)
Thanks for keeping calm and reading my blog. xo
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