Day 30.

So, it's kind of fitting that I end this 30 day blog with a trip to Busch Gardens. A day filled with roller coasters. Literal ones (Vicki's favorite is the Alpengeist - as soon as we walked into the park she said 'rollercoaster. yes. blue and white.' I love it! This was the first time she told us the coaster she wanted to ride by describing it to us!) and figurative ones (a day full of ups and downs).

Let me tell you a few cool things that happened today first. {I'll  preface this with the statement that Vicki has always had trouble with things leaving her body that belonged there--- that's an odd way to phrase it, but maybe because i am tired, I can't figure out what else to say. Anyway, as examples... she had trouble when her baby teeth fell out, she kept wanting to put them back in, which i think i described before.  I don't know if I mentioned this or not, but trimming her nails used to be a very difficult process as well. Vicki has always had trouble when she would get a scratch or a cut. Because that blemish didn't belong on her skin, she would have a terrible time until it healed. I remember one summer when her mosquito bites were so bad, she kept picking at them and picking at them, they lasted forever... Anyway, another thing that's been a sticking point with Vicki, and the point of my little deviation... When I comb Vicki's hair after her shower, you know how some pieces of hair get stuck in the comb? Everybody's hair falls out. But with Vicki, when she sees pieces of her hair in the sink, or in the comb, she gets upset. She will try and take that hair and put it back on her head. When I first saw it, it kind of made me chuckle, but then it just made me sad.} This morning after I combed Vicki's hair out after her shower, guess what she did with the hair that was in the comb after I was done? She threw it in the garbage! Herself! Again, seems kind of odd that I would get excited about this, but it's little moments. :)

Another thing that happened today. We were just hanging out in the car waiting for Daddy to check out of our room and Vicki started drawing her princesses in a little spiral notebook. There was a pack of markers in a case that she asked for. And Ally got really excited, the little mommy, as I call her, saw a need for her assistance. :P  I know I've touched on this before, but Ally and Vicki don't have your 'typical' (whatever that means) sisterly relationship. Ally's role, even though she is 3 years younger than Vicki, is not of the 'little sister'. And Vicki's role, isn't always the 'big sister'. And they don't usually play together, per say. A lot of Vicki's interaction with Ally is either yelling her name (she kind of stims on Alllllleeee....), over-hugging her, or pushing her. So, when there is an opportunity for the girls to do something together, and when Vicki is receptive to this, Ally jumps at the chance. Ally said she would hand Vicki the markers that she asked for. (And in the process, organize the colors of the markers, 50 of them, in the little carrying case. Gotta love her OCD...) This was a great spontaneous opportunity that presented itself and lasted for well over a half an hour. And Ally, without, or maybe with, realizing it, helps Vicki to verbalize what she wants. 'Do you want the dark green or the light green?' 'Dark' 'Good job Vicki. Here's the dark green. I like how you are coloring her dress...'  ABA as performed by a 6 year old. :)  Anyway, after Vicki asked Ally for marker colors for a while, Vicki started asking Ally to draw things for her. First she asked Ally to draw a pineapple by the princess. Apparently the princess was hungry. :)  And then a pear. Finally Vicki asked Ally to draw a princess. It was so cute. Vicki would tell her what body part to put on the princess and what color she wanted it. 'Draw face. Draw eyes, green. Draw mouf. Draw nose. Draw eyebrows (love that one!). Draw eyelashes (Ally's prompt.) Draw hair, brown. Draw dress, purple. And Ally added a crown to the princess. ('Vicki this is a crown. Say crown.' 'Crown'. 'Good job Vicki. It is a crown.' And Ally wanted to write the princess' name on the page. She asked Vicki if the princess was princess Vicki? 'No.' What do you want me to write Vicki? 'Mommy princess.'  (Insert teary eyed mommy in the front seat. Best moment of the day for me!!!)

And this morning, I had forgotten to make up Vicki's schedule before she got up. So Vicki gets up and asks for her schedule. She had heard us talking about Busch Gardens, so she knew we were going. She was very antsy for me to put the schedule together. As soon as I got the roller coaster picture out, she started squealing and jumping up and down. :) I could tell it was going to be a good day. Watching Vicki skip through Busch Gardens holding Daddy's hand is the best! And she loves the music. She skips, marches, and twirls to the beat. Daddy is so good at the park... he is a coaster riding machine. Me, I like to carry the backpack, take pictures, and keep everyone hydrated. :)  Joey and Ally (an aside, she was so psyched today... she moved up to the blue band and that means she can ride the lockness monster!!)  have never experienced an amusement park like most children, having to wait in long lines. Vicki has the disability access pass, where you take a piece of paper to a ride and they put a time on it and then you come back and ride that ride at your scheduled time. We try not to take advantage of it too much, but it definitely comes in handy... it was super busy there today and there is no way Vicki could have waited in some of the hour long lines to ride a coaster. But sometimes, it's even harder, because you have to keep zigzagging through the park, back and forth to catch the ride times... and sometimes Vicki doesn't understand that when she gets up to the ride gate, she's there for a time and not the ride itself, so we walk away without having ridden it yet... That can be hard. Anyway, I was thinking to myself how lucky Joey was to always be able to ride with Vicki's access pass (it's good for 4 people in your party... ). But then I think, wow, am i saying that it's lucky that his sister has autism? And his life is easier because of it? No, not at all. But, it can be nice for a little perk once in a while... We ran into a few little hiccups today. Doesn't everyone at a park? One thing that surprised my husband and I, is that on the giant swing ride, Joey started running out the exit when it was over and wasn't thinking of helping his little sister out. But then he stopped, turned around, and ran to Vicki's seat and let her out. And then walked away. That's so not usual for him. He 'knows better than that'. To get Vicki out of a ride without me or my husband there to hold her hand. And Vic is pretty strong, she wrangles out of his grasp fairly easily. Anyway, my husband and I both reacted at the same time, and he caught Vicki first as she was running out the exit. Joey realized what he did, and starting chewing on his lip, and then went to help Ally out of her seat. Sometimes, in excitement, you just forget. He wanted to be helpful and just forgot. But with Vicki, you can't forget. And we felt bad for sternly having to remind him of that.

And then our bigger hiccup of the evening... I don't even know what happened. So many things have crossed my mind as to why... It was getting late, getting dark, and Vicki knew that our time was winding down. She pointed to the teacups and Daddy took the kids on it. I was watching Vic, and she had her mouth open and she was staring at the ceiling during the ride off and on. But sometimes she does this. Anyway... she seemed a bit off to me. A few minutes later, she seemed to get confused and upset. We were thinking it was because she didn't want to leave yet... She kept asking for more rides. So they went on the elephant ride and then she pointed at the tea cups and said 'this one' and asked again to ride it. As they were standing in line, they turned around and came back out. Vicki had had a pee accident and I needed to change her. She doesn't have many accidents like that. And she had just gone about an hour before or so... I was surprised, but then again, it was a park and she could have just forgotten. But then my mommy paranoia kicks in. I wonder if she had a mini seizure? If what I saw on the ride before... I wonder if the spinning and the lights triggered something? And she just lost control? And then she was crying, which sometimes happens afterwards, but she was also being pulled away from the ride without riding it again because she needed changed. Who knows... But for a while after that, she was odd. She seemed indecisive. She didn't know what she wanted. And I think she was frustrated that she didnt' know what she wanted and couldn't tell us. She asked for the tea cups again, so they went on. And she cried the whole time. And then she asked for another coaster, and was still crying. And then she sat down on a bench and said, 'Busch Gardens. yes. No home. No home.'
:(  And she wouldn't move. And I started thinking, oh my goodness, what if she won't walk out of the park? We are in the middle of the park and it's quite a ways to the car. Quite a ways, even for my husband to get her there. She finally did get moving again. But she was still visibly upset. And she kept saying 'no home. no home'. Even after we got out of the park (phew!!!!!) she said, 'hotel. yes. no home.' I know she didn't want our spring break vacation to end. It makes me happy that she loves what we do, but sad, too. And then, to make matters worse, we did have to go back to the hotel, because they watched our newly acquired family members (BLT) aka... Bob, Larry, and Tim for us. I think. Or is it Bill? Bad mommy for not knowing or remembering! So anyway, we stopped at the hotel, but told her 'no hotel. home' That had to be confusing. I started getting nervous too, because I had the cord in my hand to plug a movie in for the ride home and she swatted it from me. I thought we'd have a deja vu from last trip, where i had to sit in the back with her... But she finally calmed down. And well over halfway home, she finally started asking for 'home. yes.' She was tired. Finally. And after putting the kids to bed, wayyy toooo late when we got home, Vicki decided to welcome me back to reality with a quick smear in her bedroom. :(  Thank goodness it was just a little.

Well, that does it for me. 30 days. 30 days with our autism. 30 days with our Vicki. 30 days with our family. I hope that you have enjoyed reading my blog. I hope that it helped answer some questions. I hope that it gave you a little glimpse into our lives. I hope it gave you an idea of how autism affects not only the child, but the whole family. I hope it makes you think. I hope I helped educate just a little. I am no expert on autism. I am an expert, however,  on my Vicki. And on my Joey. And on my Ally. And on my husband. And on our family. Not sure if I am an expert on myself yet. I'm working on that.

I also just wanted to say that I've enjoyed writing this blog more than I ever thought I would. It's also been more exhausting than I ever thought it would be. And I will miss it more than I ever thought I would. I have enjoyed getting to know you. All of you. Your comments and your personal messages have been life changing for me. I know I haven't answered each one of you personally yet, but just know, I have read every word, and every word has touched me. More than you know. I cherish you. My family. My friends. Those that I have never even met or spoke to. And each one you are just as inspiring. Everyone has a story. I've tried to share mine a little bit. But this month has taught me so much.  Everyone is unique. Everyone is different. And everyone has struggles. It's how we handle what we have been given that makes us stronger. And I am stronger because of autism. And I am stronger because of the love of my family. And I am stronger because of you. Thank you. xoxo