I kept thinking... I'm going to write about this summer. I'm going to write about this summer... But then I don't. Talking about this summer is hard for me. So, I'm switching gears tonight a bit.
You know, Vicki has always loved her Disney Princess movies. Every year for Halloween she chooses someone to be... She's been Jasmine, Ariel, Cinderella, Belle.... I've loved putting unique princess costumes together for her. Because she is such a tall, shapely young woman, she didn't fit into the children's princess costumes... and the princess costumes for adults, well, no thank you. I don't want sexy thigh-hi's and plunging necklines for Vicki. So, I go to Goodwill and look at their dresses... we've found some amazing dresses that we tweaked to give Vicki just the right ball gown look she wanted. :) Sorry, I know I am just off and writing right now, I do have a point, somewhere.
I believe very much in fairy tale endings and magical stories filled with princesses and happily ever afters. I love the look that Vicki gets on her face when she dresses up like a princess and we do her hair and make-up. I love seeing her smile at her reflection in the mirror. When we went to Disney World when Vicki turned 7, the pictures of her with the princesses are ones I will cherish forever.
Do you want to hear something magical?
Well, this tale tonight, as much as I want it to be about Vicki, is not. But it's just as magical. It is about my sweet little Ally and her fairy godmother.
I've been posting some of the difficulties that we've been having this summer. My last post dealt with Ally and the kind of summer she has had. Like I've said countless times before, autism does not just affect the child who has it, it affects siblings, moms and dads, families, friends. And this summer it has affected Ally tremendously.
The kind of life we live... it's definitely different that a lot of families home lives. It just is. Our home is open and on view just about 24/7... it is a revolving door for the therapists and aides that we so desperately need. They see us at our best and at our worst. They are there when we are in our pj's, they are there at the dinner table. They see us laugh. They see us cry. They see us be brats and pout. They see us dance. They see us be a family. We couldn't function without them. But it's definitely a different kind of home life. We have down time, but it's just different. And we are structured. Very structured. I'm not sure I can remember what the word spontaneous means. Especially after this summer. Things I used to take for granted: the 30 minute outing to guitar lessons. A quick trip to the grocery store. Stopping off at the library for a book. It's all gone. It all needs to be carefully planned and orchestrated. And a lot of the times it never happens. Most of the time it never happens anymore.
OK. Sorry. Enough of the build up. Let's get onto the story.....
Once upon a time, there lived a little girl named Allyson. She lives in her house with her mom and dad and brother and sister. She loves crafts. She loves people. She loves to be active. She loves to do things. She loves to just be a kid. But this summer, things changed a lot. She had to stay at home because autism made her. She has only been to the pool 2x this summer.... because a wonderful friend took her once, and an old therapist took her the second time. She went to the library 2x because a good friend took her. She never got a chance to go to the park. She didn't go out for a spontaneous ice cream. She didn't do any summer camps. She shut herself away in her crafting tower and crafted, and crafted, and crafted. She escaped to her craft room when things got difficult. She never complained that she couldn't do some of the carefree activities that summer brings. But she was sad. And she was anxious. And she cried.
And then one day, her fairy godmother called. And her fairy godmother knew. She just knew how hard it was for Ally. And she wanted to be there for Ally.
So here we are....bippity, boppity, boo.
Ally sat in her beautiful carriage (a jeep!!! in the front seat!!!!!) and she was off for an adventure to VA Beach with her Godmother. The woman who held Ally in her arms when she was baptized... who promised to be there for Ally and help to guide her.... is taking Ally on a fairytale adventure. She is everything I could have ever wished for in a godmother for my Ally.
So far I have hear from Ally excitedly talking about all they have done.... the beach, the pool, the beach, the pool, playing, a magic show on the beach, fireworks, a speedboat dolphin watching tour, miniature golf. The whole experience. I have been seeing pictures of Ally with a beautiful sun kissed glow and a smile that dazzles from ear to ear. She has a sparkle in her eye. She looks so happy and healthy and peaceful. She has fit all of this in since just yesterday! And she still has 2 more days to enjoy her enchanted land with her fairy godmother.
What an amazing gift Ally's godmother has given her. I don't think she will ever fully understand what her gesture and this trip means for Ally (and for me!) Ally is out of her tower and enjoying a few days of summer. She doesn't have to worry about anything. She can just be a kid. My heart is so full with the generosity of her fairy godmother. She has given Ally some amazing experiences and memories to look back on. I can't even express how touched and humbled I am by this most precious gift. And it's the gift of time. Of time that Ally can just talk to her godmother, open up to her, share with her. That, to me, is priceless and I am forever grateful.
I should just stop here...and I keep thinking about it. But, because I am trying to be honest, I am going to keep going for a second. Do you know one thing that I have been afraid of since Ally has left on her adventure? That she will begin to resent her life with us, with Vicki, with autism. You know that phrase, ignorance is bliss? Well, if Ally never really experienced anything outside of our life at home and our life on our vacations... she never really understood how different our reality is. Now that she sees a different side... an easier side... a spontaneous... fun filled side, what will she think of the planning and the preparation, and the disappointment with us? We will never be able to give Ally what she is experiencing right now. It's impossible. I know that won't really happen... but sometimes I even close my eyes and wish some similar thoughts. Wishing for so much. Wishing for autism to leave our sweet Vicki alone. Wishing for that smile on Vicki's face. Wishing for the fear and anxiety that I have over Vicki's fear and anxiety to disappear. Wishing that every moment wasn't so calculated, so planned. Wishing that I could just yell.... get in the car kids... let's go out for ice cream. Wishing that Vicki would be able to climb in the van and leave the house. Wishing, wishing, wishing..... And... bippity, boppity, boo. It would happen. I guess you never know. I do know that I will never forget this moment in time that Ally was given from her fairy godmother.
Anyway..... that's it. I'll leave you with a favorite quote of mine by Hans Christian Anderson.
"Life itself is the most wonderful fairytale."
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